last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
