so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We have so much sex to catch up on
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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