If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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