escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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