I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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