this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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