I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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