we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
