the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
