he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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