bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
