You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
