so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
