I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
