I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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