Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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