my sisters under your porch take her home
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
