I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
