i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
