I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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