Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
