Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
