She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Come see our sink grown plant.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
