For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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