he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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