I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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