Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
