Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We need to get me chipped asap
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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