Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
