I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
