I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
well you can't waste a boner
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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