I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
