so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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