hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
