ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
