She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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