If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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