so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
