my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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