she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
