There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
