We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
