I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
