Just fell off a train. Bad.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
