Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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