This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
