She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
