They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
