dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
