Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
